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The Edge Of Me

the search for myself

24 July
External Services:
  • spiritwanderer@livejournal.com
  • alearianvampire AIM status
My greatest love in life is my music. It sets you free and lets you be who you want to be. Music does not pass judgment, or tell you when you're wrong. It sits quietly, waiting to be enjoyed to the fullest extent. And if you give it your all, it will return the favor 10 fold. It is the pencil and paper of a writer for someone who cannot write. The paint and brush to one who cannot paint.

Love is not in my life right now. I've not the time, nor the courage to try. I do not deny that giving my all to someone again scares me. I miss the feeling of being held and appreciated for who I am, not what I do, or what I say. I miss pure happiness. The reason to wake up in the morning. But this all must be for a reason. To go through this stage is to teach myself that love isn't all there is to life. Yet, it is all i want...

Religion is a big question to me. I've been raised baptist. Saved, Baptised, and all that jazz. But, on many levels, I do not feel it. I stopped attending church when I realized that by going there, people were expecting me to believe things I did not. There were things I did not agree with, and that made me question my attendance. So, I left. And that hole has been there ever since...

I live with my mother. It's just me and her. And it's wonderful! We moved from North Carolina when I was 2, because my father was an asshole. He got remarried and had 2 children. I love Denise as if she were my biological parent. And my brothers are monsters, but godsent none the less. I haven't seen any of them in 2 years. I made the decision not to deal with my fathers bullshit anymore, and refused to visit him. But I've missed all the others so much it hurts.

I love reading. Fantasy mostly. Books take you away from your problems by submersing you in someone elses. It's heaven.

Enough of this. I'm off to live. If I've left anything out, I'll add it later.